We Are All Nuts

Yesterday, I was upstairs in my bedroom hiding cleaning and putting away laundry. I had a movie on for background noise and, well, I was really cleaning up the HUGE mess I had made from rearranging my room five minutes earlier.
Here is something I should state from the get go. I don’t smoke and I rarely drink. When I am mad, I rearrange my house. Like entire rooms. Change the furniture around, rip down curtains and put up blinds/shades. Yeah, heavy duty Clean Sweep kind of stuff. If I was allowed to paint(we rent), I would probably do that. Suburban Cowboy gets annoyed with it, and even made me ban myself from rearranging the house for one full year. IT WAS AGONY!!!!!
I totally went tangential!!!! Okay, so I was folding clothes and re-making my bed when Stinkerbell barged into the bedroom with all the stealth of a dumptruck.
“yes?” I asked her, wishing she would high tail it downstairs. She usually brought destruction and chaos with her. Or at the very least, her older brother Ferdinand with her.
“What are you doing Mama??” she asked while climbing on the neatly folded clothes on my bed like they were not even there. I gritted my teeth, counted to a thousand and smiled at her. She smiles and hopped off the bed and scampered to the other side of my bed like a deer on crack. Yeah, she had no reason to be here.
“Go downstairs please. Mama will be down soon ok?” I told her. She smiled and I made the mistake of turning my back on her. Stinkerbell is sneaky. She was quiet. She was fiddling with something on my bedside table and I did not really pay attention as I was picking up everything she knocked down.
“mama, whats this?” she asked. I looked up and gasped. She had in her hand EmoKid’s cup that he used for football. Now, you ask, why is my 10 year old son’s athletic cup on my bedside table??? I told him to put his jock strap in the hamper. And his cup he apparently left on my bedside table. LOVELY.
I tried to respond calmy while my inner heebie jeebies were on High Alert.
“Stinkerbell, please put that down,”I said with the tact and decorum of a hostage negotiator. She looked up at me with those amazing blue eyes and held onto the cup firmly in her little hands.
“Why?” she asked sweetly. Ugh, my kryptonite. That dreaded word!!!! Agghhh!!!!
“Because it’s EmoKids and its personal,”I replied, barely gritting my teeth. She smiled again and I SWEAR TO GOD she looked at me and twirled it around her index finger.
“Stinkerbell, put it down! EmoKid uses it on his pee pee to protect it,”I hissed, snatching it from her and slamming it down on my dresser. She walked away, and then looked at me.
“You mean his nuts Mama. He uses it there,” she said cutely. Holy.Shit. I turned my back and fought the urge to giggle. I am not the most mature person in the world. Holy.Shit. I ran downstairs to tell Suburban Cowboy who was sitting on the couch with EmoKid, Princess Bacon and Ferdinand. I told him and he just looked at me.
“Why were you so grossed out? He has never actually worn the cup,” he said calmly. UGH!!! What she said was funny!!! Suburban Cowboy does not think I am funny. And I, don’t find him amusing. NUTS!!!!!