En Espanol muy bueno

I have a new cell phone. A beautiful new cell phone. You know how when an old lady has a dog,say its name is Spot. Well when Spot dies, she gets another one and names it Spot 2? My cell phones are kind of like that. Spot got run over by a car. Spot 2 stopped working. Spot 3 fell into the toilet and died. Spot 4 is beautiful. Hopefully his longevity is better than his predecessors. Princess Bacon and Stinkerbell seem to think Spot 4 is their phone. They download every version of AngryBirds and then get pissed when I won't let them play on my phone. I put a passcode on it, they cracked it. How you say? They looked at the reflection in my glasses when I was logging in. Bastards. Princess Bacon even texted Suburban Cowboy one day and told him not to come home from work until 8 o'clock. He called me thinking I was having some party that he was not invited to. Princess Bacon will also text her friends or their moms and ask to come over. Or she just reads my texts. Not good. Sometimes Suburban Cowboy sends me naughty texts. Or my friends and I talk about "Adult" things. Things I don't want her to read. Ever. One night at EmoKid's football practice, I let Stinkerbell play with the phone in a moment of desperation. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Did I mention that it was stupid? Ok. I get home that night and go to text my best friend. I kept getting nonsense words. Over and over. I tried typing slower, nothing. I closed out the message window and tried again. Same issue. I go through all my settings for my cell phone and everything looks alright. Now Spot 4 and I are still in the honeymoon phase. There are some things I don't know about Spot 4. Finally I figure out what is going on with Spot 4. Apparently my beautiful phone is bilingual. I am not. My darling, beautiful, precious Stinkerbell switched all functions in text messaging to Spanish. Everytime I tried to text, it was Spanish. Spanish! Did I mention she had Princess Bacon change my wallpaper on Spot 4 to Justin Bieber?