As you know now, the East Coast was pounded like a five dollar hooker by Hurricane Irene this weekend. Especially on Saturday. Nothing like going to your car to get your cell phone charger and coming back with soaking wet yoga pants and getting blown around the yard in the dark. FUN!
SO Sunday once the weather calms down, we take a trip to Shrewsbury, PA, which is not far from our house, to meet my husband's cousin and his family. We went to this great Japanese Hibachi place where the chef cooks in front of you and throws the food at you. It was awesome. But I digress.
After dinner, we are heading home, and Suburban Cowboy decides to go "off the beaten path". No biggie right? Oh you have NO idea. This is a man who always, no matter where we happen to travel to, ends up in the ghetto. Since we have moved to Southcentral PA, he has managed to find every spot of Deliverance country he can. Last night was no different.
We are driving and he misses the road he needs to turn on, so he takes the detour that his cellphone GPS tells him to and all of a sudden the nice paved road becomes gravel, then a dirt road with potholes. There isn't power in some areas and there are limbs over portions of the road. And its REALLY REALLY dark.
Suburban Cowboy is giggling, and I think he was imagining he was driving in a big old redneck pickup truck instead of our minivan. I am making snide comments the whole way, and he is just laughing at me. Until we got to a section where there are really hardly any houses and there isn;t a whole lot of light either. Then Suburban Cowboy slams on the breaks.
"Well there's a man in the road," he cries out. And sure enough there was. So we stop,thinking maybe its some Volunteer Fire Fughter to warn us about danger ahead or something. Nope. Not quite.
There is this man in dark sweats with a haircut that looks like it was done by a mental patient, twirling a flashlight like its a baton. I would have driven off. What does Suburban Cowboy do? Rolls down the window and talks to him.
"Whats going on man?" he asks the friendly gentleman with the crazy on.
"Waiting for the electric company. Power's been out all day.Waitin for the electric company," he says. I am thinking...Have you been out here all day? Does the electric company KNOW you even live out here?? Please don't kill us. Suburban Cowboy must have sensed there was going to be a breach in my inner monologue, because he put his hand on my leg to shush me up. He nodded to the guy and rolled up the window.
"Why would you talk to him? The only people you talk to in Deliverance Country are people with flares and flashlights and reflective vests!" I remark. He laughs. Really?!!
"Calm down. You watch too many horror movies honey."
"Um did you know that some horror movies are based on factual events?"I chortle.
"Really? Which ones?" he asks with a smirk. I should take him back to Flashlight Boy and leave him there.
"Let's see....Texas Chainsaw Massacre..based on the serial killer Ed Gein. Amityille Horror...well that one is pretty self explanatory.....all those exorcism movies...oh yeah and DELIVERANCE!!" I reply. He laughs.
"Seriously? You did not even hesitate to think first. You already KNEW. THAT is scary. And what is the worst that could happen out here in the country?"
"Hmmm...some mutant inbred hillbillies will have a nail strip across the road, puncturing our tires, we pull over. The offer to "help" and the next thing you know I am some hillbilly sex slave and you are dinner," I respond. He looks at me, just looks at me.
"Wow. You are SO not allowed to watch horror movies....EVER." he replies. I cross my arms and look out the window. A few minutes later, we see a road blocked off. And guess who is standing in the road? A volunteer firefighter with a reflective vest and flares. I point it out to him and he reminds me of my previous outburst.
Damn him. I will just watch horror movies on my phone. He's not the boss of me.
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