Missing-Reward Offered Once I Can Find My Purse

This post is based on a writing prompt from the lovely ladies over at studiothirtyplus.com
“Write a missing ad for something that you have lost in your life. It can be any of the aforementioned items (animate or inanimate), or something else you seem to have misplaced along the way.”

Missing, one adventurous, clear thinking mind. Yes, I am missing my mind. I lost part of it around 5 pm on September 11th , 2004…shortly after the birth of my third child, and the rest was lost on July 20th 2007 when my fourth child was born. I am not sure if this is a case of a missing mind, or if foul play was involved. The FBI will not return my calls.


I have been unable to finish sentences, organize thoughts or my underwear drawer,or call my children by the right name. I often have to result to calling them “boy child” or “girl child” depending on the sex of the child I am currently wishing to strangle/ talk to. I am also looking for my keys, my driver’s license and also what I weighed in high school. If you could help me find those things as well, I would greatly appreciate it.
I would offer a reward, but since I have lost my mind, I cannot seem to remember where I put my purse. Maybe one of the children know, as they seem to be able to find the aforementioned purse, to steal the gum out of it.
Maybe I will find it when my youngest leaves the house. Or maybe I will be be forced to sit on the couch, smiling and drooling, watching reruns of Teen Mom.